Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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