There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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