haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
