When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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