Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
