I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
