it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
