at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
