About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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