i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
