I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
