guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
