$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
