I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
