Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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