i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think I sprained my soul last night
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
