True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
