I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
