Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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