you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
