You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
