i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
