Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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