After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
