batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
