dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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