I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
