The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This baby is an asshole
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
