You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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