The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I am one with the molecules
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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