I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
