Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
