I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
