I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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