he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
