The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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