Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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