youre lurking in front of me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
