Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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