tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
cat food counts as protein by the way
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
