Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
