omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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