By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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