My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
