it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
