She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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