remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
