I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
