he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
