She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
why do cheetos always look like penises
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
