dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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