My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
