The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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